What lies inside
by crystaltears16
Summary: Way back, just after they met, Derek discovers he can hear Addison's thoughts. Her insecurities and worry, he can hear it all. How does he respond?


**A/N; Greetings from Switzerland! I have an internet connection, so I came here..I've missed so many alerts lately! Anyway here's a oneshot I wrote a few weeks ago..I'm working on my other story, and I'm getting so many ideas for others... seriously, Switzerland is an awesome place for inspiration! Anyway, R&R! s'il vous plait!**

**Oh, and this is totally AU, This is back where they kinda are friends at that point, but haven't yet said they love each other..**

* * *

He didn't remember when it had started and honestly he didnt care. When he first met her, all he wanted was to decipher her inscruitable mind, he loved the thought of such complexity.

And now he was in it. At first he used it to get past her sweet little lies. But now, he was tired and done with being the hero, he wasnt going to lose her again.

He found her, feet once again buried in the veil of white, solemn expression on her face but frantic activity dancing in her mind.

_Should I tell him? No! What's gotten into me! For gods sake I'm a NERD why would he love me!? But what if he could..? Oh my god I cant believe I am even thinking about this.. _

Derek stopped dead in his tracks. He felt his heat beat in his throat, but something urged him on, begged him to continue walking towards her perfect figure in the world that made no sense.

" Hey Addi."

_Naturally. He has to be right here at this moment. I wonder what he wants this time. Just dont look into his eyes Addison, you can handle this, its what you do.. Who am I kidding! I run! I solve problems, I fix, I dont sit and avoid his eyes! I dont want to! I want to be driven into oblivion by a hazel infinity... And there I go again, wanting what I dont deserve._

He sat next to her on the bench, trying not to scream at her. Trying not to shout that she did deserve this that she did deserve him. That he loved her, as much as he hoped she loved him.

But no, he just continued to stare at the indigo expanse, somehow reigning his emotions in, wanting to take her away, away from all this.

" Hi Derek."  
" I was going to go for a walk down to the ocean. Do you want to come?"

_Wait.. What did he just say? Wasnt he ignoring me like two days ago? Oh shut up Addison.. Just go for heavens sake!_

She nodded revealing her feet from the safe haven watching him carefully as he smiled at her softly.

_Gotta love that smile.._

Derek laughed, drawing an odd expression from Addison.  
" Whats so funny?"  
" Nothing."  
She found herself staring at him, missing this, the day to day of them. But she missed his friendship the most, it pained her deeply to think thats maybe all they ever had.

He walked closely next to her, hoping that she would silently let him know what she wanted. He loved her intricate thoughts, so innocent so beautifully broken and he knew if her were to lose this 'gift' he would miss it dearly.

He noticed her glancing at him. The blue sky melted with a pale pink as the sun shaded its vibrance over the pier. He watched the colours glint off her glowing cheeks, the breeze flooding the air around them.

She trembled as his arm brushed against her own, once it left her, she immediately missed the contact, his skin so wonderfully warm. Derek noticed the goosebumps forming on her skin.

" Are you cold?"  
" No."  
" Then why are you shivering?"

_Maybe because you keep TOUCHING me!_

He quickly backed away, thinking that she was getting uncomfortable with him being so close.. But her thoughts said otherwise.

_No. Dont go. What am I doing? Why am I here, this is all just going to fall apart anyway. I cant lose him. I just.. Dont want him to go._

He took a step closer, trying to look indifferent, but the emotion was running heavy through his veins. He felt himself choking on his shallow breaths, he begged to hold her in his arms, kiss away the pain.

" I'm not shivering."  
" Yes you are."

He ran a strong finger across her shoulder, softly down her arm, almost caressing her skin.

_Oh godddd.. This is not good! Noo that was a lie.. ADDISON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! Not good Addison. NOT GOOD! _

He stopped. This part of the beach was new. The water was shallow, sneaking slowly out into the deep blue, but it was crystal clear of the business of the city behind them. The sand was white, the opposite of the almost coarse sand back at the old beach. It felt soft and fine, thousands of tiny grains, millions of potential precious memories.

_Why has he stopped..? What are we doing? Calm down. Relax. Its a walk. Nothing more nothing less. Even though I want it to be more.. DAMMIT I have to stop doing that.. _

Giving her a tender smile he turned and faced the horizon, a place he knew he would one day take her, if she let him.

_God there was that smile again.._

He saw the peaceful yet cautious smile escape from her lips and she turned to find what he was looking at so fondly. 'If she only knew he thought'. If she only knew that it was her he looked at so fondly.

" Wow Derek.. The view is beautiful."

He looked down at her, her red curls blowing wildly in the breeze, her bright, loving yet broken eyes claiming possession of her face. Before he knew what he was saying it was already said and he scolded himself, until he heard her thoughts.

" Yes it is."

_Was he just looking at me. CRAP! He was just looking at me when he said that. No. I probably just thinking he did that, cause I want him to do that. No way, bull caesar salad! He was so looking at me! What do I do?_

" Derek.."

_Okay, just tell him. You can so tell him. Its not that hard. Whats the worst he could do right. Oh thats right! Turn away run off, hate me forever. Thats just peachy Addison.. Just peachy.. _

" Yeah Addi."

He saw her inward struggle and he wished that he could ease the pain. But he knew that this was something she had to do on her own, no matter now much he wanted to pull her out of this numb existence.

_Okay easy. Its just three words. Derek. I. Love. You. Okay four words.. No I cant do it. I'll just end up running away from him again. If only he knew I didnt want to run. If only I could tell him!_

Derek felt his heart ache for hers. He tried to act normal, but he could no longer hide the intense need for her and her complete disaster. She loved him. And thats all he would ever need.

" I.."

_Come on Addison you're half way there! Nope I'm just going to stop here. Thats it. Stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Go straight to jail. Oh yeah Addison thats real mature talk about the love of your life by using monopoly references.._

'Did she just think love of her life..' Derek stepped closer to her, putting a strong, delicate hand on her waist.

_And those hands.. Ohh.. how many hours we could spend.. OH GOD! Did I just have a fantasy about Derek?? Sick Addison. You are truly sick! Now where was I.. Oh thats right FREAKING OUT OVER HOW MUCH I'm in love with Derek Shepherd. _

He ran his other hand over her cheek, trying to look into her eyes as if he couldnt read her mind. Even if he couldnt, he would be able to tell she loved him, her emerald immensity was all he needed to know.

_And hes touching me again. Great. This helps. Really helps. Now Hes touching me and I'm all weak and vulnerable and I wont be able to tell him. _

" Its okay to be vulnerable Addi."

_Oh so he can read minds too. This guy is just too perfect. _

He bit his lip, realising his sudden mistake. Not moving his hand from her waist he could see her bottom lip quivering. He wanted nothing more to kiss it still. To kiss her still completely.

_Hes looking at my lips isnt he? Oh I wish he knew I wish it was easier than this. I wish for gods sake he would just kiss me already!_

Thats all the encouragement Derek needed, he leaned further against her, his lips so close to her she could feel him breathing.

_OH MY GOD! He's going to kiss me. Addison you have to tell him. YOU HAVE TOO! Nope.. I'm a coward and cowards run.. So I'm going to run now. Bye Derek. Nice meeting you. _

Panic robbed Derek of his senses, scribbled regret in his soul. He grabbed hold of her with both hands, pulling her close, refusing to let her go.

_Oh this is not good for my health. If he pulls me any closer I might just melt into him.. Thats not good. Well actually it is because his chest has to be the most.. WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO ME?.. There I go again.. Seriously though if I wasnt so busy running from scalpels or sewing up his arm the first time I met him... I probably would have passed out by the look of it.. Damn shirts.. Why do men wear them anyway. If I was Derek I would just walk around naked. Yeah. I would just be naked. I wouldnt even be a surgeon. Just. Naked. _

Derek tried his best not to burst into fits of laughter, he could see the playfullness dancing in and out of her gaze, the love trying to hide, the fear.. Was she scared of losing him?

" Addi you're not going to lose me."

_What did he just say? He just said I wasnt going to lose him. Derek swear if only you knew what you were doing to me. _

" God Addi, if you only knew what you were doing to me."

_HOLY CRAP! He couldnt feel the same way could he...? And now hes running circles across my back. Stop Derek or I might just jump you here and now. _

The water began to drag out with the tides. They stood still in the same position. Derek holding her tightly by the waist, her hands running up and down his chest, each staring into the others eyes, begging for each other but not willing to take the chance.

She felt the tears well up in her eyes. Did he really mean what he was saying. God she loved him. She loved him so much.

_I cant do it.. I cant watch him break like me. Hes so.. And I'm so.. And god hes just.. AH SCREW IT!_

" Derek I love you."

He kissed her passionately. Because she was the way to salvation. To redemption. Her lips were the softest things he had ever felt, she wasnt like anything he had ever tasted.

Her smell intoxicated him, her breath filling his lungs and suddenly her thoughts vanished. But it didnt matter. None of it. Because he had her and he knew it was for always.

When he finally pulled away he saw the love bursting in vivid colours in her eyes. He didnt need to read her thoughts anymore. He already knew what they were.

" I love you too Addi."

* * *

**Yeah..anyway I'd love to hear what you guys think.. **

**Emmy**


End file.
